New Year Revelations

Dudes,

Happy New year.  I’ve been a little quiet on here because I’ve been going through some personal things that have been very difficult for me to share, until now.

I don’t even know how to say this, it’s been hard for me to even admit that it’s the truth, but here it is:  dudes, I’m adopted.  Yep that’s right, my mom is not my birth mom.  I can’t even believe that I’m just finding this out, I mean I’m almost 1 years old already.

Are you my mother?

Hi. I’m Bug. Are you my mother?

I had been doing some heavy goal setting exercises to get on track in 2013 and thought it would be a good idea to go back through my journals and some photos I found in my mom’s office.  I wanted to really connect to my roots so I could revisit my core values and passions to set a future vision true to myself.

Well, I didn’t find any of those things.  What I found was a devastating truth.   Really, adopted?  I knew I didn’t really look like anyone else in the family (Tank and I are completely different colors) but I thought that at the very worst we just had different dads.  I mean we both love sitting in the sun, tugging on babies, chewing bones, napping and watching criminal minds – it’s like we’re twins.  Our smiles are a little different, but what does that really say? Nothing obvious.

check out my mug shot.

we wear the same outfits

seriously. twins.

We’re probably going to have to completely restructure the Blood Brothers gang we’ve been organizing in the neighborhood.  The irony of the name is just a little too heavy for me right now.  I’m not in a good place.

I’ve spent the last few days going through my puppy photos and mourning my lost identity.  I’m not sure where I’m going to find myself, or if that’s even possible with such a big question mark in my personal history, but I’m working through it.  In the meantime I wanted to share with you a few of the pics that made me smile amid this darkest of moments.

mayme bug

dinner with my aunt maymes

IMG_0753

ROAAAAR! Hi.

bug baby

i just like this one. captures my good side.

bug sleep

such a cozy position.

bug car trip

one of my first car trips.

Hopefully the memories will eventually carry me through to the other end of this tunnel.  I have always had such a strong sense of self, it’s going to be a long journey to rebuild myself.

Stay cool my babies,

xxBug

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An Embarrassing Reflection: My Day with the Runs.

Dudes,

I’m almost to embarrassed to write this post, but I’m committed to being honest in our relationship with you as the reader and me as the writer, and I will hold to my word.

This week has been very difficult for me.  I got the runs.  And I got them bad.

In the early hours of monday morning I heard a rumbling in my tummy, and it happened.  It all happened, at once.  I was so ashamed but I was overcome with urgency and shame all at once and while I always try to stay proud and keep my chin up – I couldn’t make it happen this time.  I curled up in the corner and cried.  Yep, I admit it.  I took to tears, and I’ll never forget it.

I was found that way in the morning when Tank came to get my for breakfast.  By that time my belly was being much better and I thought that I was approaching my own freedom from the experience, but I was wrong.

Not only did I not get any breakfast, but I also was kept home from camp and forced to take a bath.  It was horrible.  I was so cold, and the shivering from the shower just brought my right back to the dark hours in the corner of my crate.

I’ve had a few dark days, I’m not going to lie.  I fell into a deep depression, and was consumed by my personal shame.

My bed was thrown out so I had to nap on this thin bathmat. it was awful.

dont’ look at me.

There were moments when I couldn’t even get out of bed.  I didn’t think I would ever feel happiness again.  My favorite babies lay next to me, neglected and lifeless.

there is no joy.

there is no joy.

Tank tried to console me, but he was still living a rich life full of food, treats, and doing exactly what he loves the most: napping.  It’s cool that he likes it, but it’s not for me. I need more action.

I finally went back to camp Tuesday to give it a shot and then took another day off on Wednesday to recover.  I tried to lay low on the couch and just chill with my roomies so I could have full energy for camp again today.

yo.

yo.

It paid off.  Camp was ah-mazinnnng!  Not only did I get to see Toby, but I got to stay in during nap and be Santa’s little helper, putting together holiday treats for all the other campers.

willpower is no friend of mine.

willpower is no friend of mine.

I’m an awesome helper, but my recent days of starvation made me it really difficult not to just bury my face in the treat bowl and eat my way out.  I mean, come on people, this is like worse than the Hunger Games.

I was pretty beat when I got home tonight but I am finally back to my own food (no more chicken + rice for this girl).  I’m hitting the sack early tonight because I’m pulling back to back days at camp so I need to make sure I’m recharged.

Stay cool my babies, and stay away from me if you have germs.

xxBug

Tank’s New Owner: Billy-Bob.

Dudes,

I finally found a new forever home for Tank.  Meet Billy-Bob.

Tank & Bill.

all smiles.

I actually put Tank up for sale last week but didn’t post my last entry until I knew it was a sure deal.

Just kidding, he’s staying.  The plan was totally a GO until the email offers started rolling in and the jig was up.  Tall mommy did NOT think it was funny and put the kibosh on the whole plan.  She doesn’t let me post things on the internet, and claims it’s illegal to sell your brother on there.  Who knew.

The dude in the picture is actually my Uncle Billy.  Billy and Tank are pretty tight bros, and picture is just a random from happy hour.  We were just messing around – they’re such jokers.  Anyway, looks like Tank is staying, and we’re just going to have to find a good spin on it for my campaign.  Peaches has some ideas so hopefully we’re good there.

Tank and I are back in the Carolinas again for some business just chilling with Lex and Billy for a few days.  Things aren’t the same without Truman here, but we’re working through it.

Stay cool my babies,

xx Bug

 

Tank Went to Prison.

Dudes,

It happened.  Tank was sent to prison.

I knew it was only a matter of time before this happened.  He has been playing at the edge of the law lately, and this time he got caught.  Discrimination was definitely not on his side.

I don’t know what his sentence is going to be, but I doubt it will be lenient.   They kept him in the pokey for like 30 whole minutes.  That’s serious business around these parts.

Listen, I love Tank just as much as the next guy.  He’s my brother.  But I can’t have a felon living in my house, I just can’t.  It’s not good for my public image.

I consulted my campaign manager Peaches, and we agreed, it is time.  Tank is for sale.

He is listed on craigslist for 1 million dollars.  There is a mandatory home visit and I will be touring the homes personally to determine if the accommodations are suitable for Big T.  I don’t have time for games make sure you provide all of your information in your response.  Background and credit checks will be required,  and the payment option is CASH ONLY.  No payment plans, that’s a fools game.   See his ad below and contact me directly with any questions.  Also, don’t tell my mom, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Stay cool my babies,

xxBug

A Tribute to My Good Dear Friend

With a heavy heart I write to you all about the passing of my best friend Truman.  It has been a difficult time for Tank and I, and we appreciate all of the support from friends, family, and my playgroup at camp.

I can not do Truman’s life justice with a blog post, but I will do my best to say what he meant to me.  For most of this Bug’s life Truman has been a second brother to me – and to Tank – and led through example to help me mature into the Bug I am today.  Here are just a few words, memories, and thoughts that I want to share.

Truman provided reason when I was being irrational.  One time when the neighbor kids opened the gate to the outside, I thought it was an opening for freedom.  It wasn’t.  Truman stayed in the yard and close to his brother Lex, to protect him, and to guard the pack.   He showed me that you never stray from the pack and always stand with your brother(s).

stay tall & true. constant vigilance.

Family is everything. Two legs or four, blood or not blood;  you love those that take care of you, and take care of those that you love.

brotherhood & love.

Love from T monster

smooches.

at his wedding to Jola.

TruTru was so wise for having so few years under his collar, and believed above all in peace and forgiveness.  He taught me to kiss instead of bite, to share instead of steal, to forgive instead of fight, and that regardless of any differences we might have in size or opinion, we always protect and take care of each other.

love you big buddy.

He was my biggest buddy and guardian in life, and will always be that voice in my head helping me to be my best self.  He was the Scooby to my Scrappy  Doo and I will never forget him.  My heart is with Truman’s parents and his blood brother Lex who fulfilled his life, and he loved with all his heart.  Thank you big buddy for being my friend.  May you rest peacefully now.

Rest Peacefully Truman. You were a great man.

ps. I’m sorry I stole borrowed your squeaky toy.  It was, uh, a packing oversight.  I will do my best to keep it safe from Tank’s razor sharp teeth as long as I live.  I promise that.