Tank’s New Owner: Billy-Bob.

Dudes,

I finally found a new forever home for Tank.  Meet Billy-Bob.

Tank & Bill.

all smiles.

I actually put Tank up for sale last week but didn’t post my last entry until I knew it was a sure deal.

Just kidding, he’s staying.  The plan was totally a GO until the email offers started rolling in and the jig was up.  Tall mommy did NOT think it was funny and put the kibosh on the whole plan.  She doesn’t let me post things on the internet, and claims it’s illegal to sell your brother on there.  Who knew.

The dude in the picture is actually my Uncle Billy.  Billy and Tank are pretty tight bros, and picture is just a random from happy hour.  We were just messing around – they’re such jokers.  Anyway, looks like Tank is staying, and we’re just going to have to find a good spin on it for my campaign.  Peaches has some ideas so hopefully we’re good there.

Tank and I are back in the Carolinas again for some business just chilling with Lex and Billy for a few days.  Things aren’t the same without Truman here, but we’re working through it.

Stay cool my babies,

xx Bug

 

Tank Went to Prison.

Dudes,

It happened.  Tank was sent to prison.

I knew it was only a matter of time before this happened.  He has been playing at the edge of the law lately, and this time he got caught.  Discrimination was definitely not on his side.

I don’t know what his sentence is going to be, but I doubt it will be lenient.   They kept him in the pokey for like 30 whole minutes.  That’s serious business around these parts.

Listen, I love Tank just as much as the next guy.  He’s my brother.  But I can’t have a felon living in my house, I just can’t.  It’s not good for my public image.

I consulted my campaign manager Peaches, and we agreed, it is time.  Tank is for sale.

He is listed on craigslist for 1 million dollars.  There is a mandatory home visit and I will be touring the homes personally to determine if the accommodations are suitable for Big T.  I don’t have time for games make sure you provide all of your information in your response.  Background and credit checks will be required,  and the payment option is CASH ONLY.  No payment plans, that’s a fools game.   See his ad below and contact me directly with any questions.  Also, don’t tell my mom, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Stay cool my babies,

xxBug

Pumpkin, Sandy & My Humbling Halloween

Dudes,

This has been a crazy week. From costume contests to hurricane sandy, I’ve been through some highs and lows.

As I told you in last week’s post, camp sponsored a big costume party on Sunday. I was a WRECK all week picking my outfit.  I almost went as a binder full of women, but opted for something warmer when I checked the temp outside.  It’s chill ‘ville people.

I went as a froggle.

There were some pretty great costumes out there, and unfortunately, I was defeated in the awards rounds.  The big winner was a doodle dressed as the dog from up attached. to balloons. It was a total relief that he wasn’t dressed like any of the human characters.  No offense but it skeeves me out when I see animals dressed like humans.  It just ain’t right.

Tall mommy went with me, which I NEVER would have allowed if I knew the SPCA group was going to be there.  She got a little too emo when she met Pumpkin in her bumble bee costume.

Punkin’ is cool and all, but I don’t have space in my room for another sibling.  I mean, Tank is hibernating ALL the time in there these days. This place is at FULL capacity.

Tall mommy made me promise to tell you all that ‘Pumpkin’ is available for adoption at the Charlottesville/Albemarle SPCA.  She’s 8 years old, super sweet, and doesn’t get a lot of visits.

She made blonde mommy go and walk her yesterday – I almost went but Tank and I were at home recovering from the hurricane scare.  Blonde mommy calls her ‘plumpkin’ because she’s carrying a few extra LBS, but I get it.  I mean, I love food, and my boyfriend Toby is always telling me how he likes a pup with a little meat on her bones.  Get it plumpkin pumpkin, I feel you, no judgement.

As many of you know, hurricane Sandy came up the east coast this week.  Everything was shut down in anticipation of high winds and torrential rains.  I didn’t think it was going to impact my life until camp said they were going to be closed on Tuesday.  Yeah, that’s right, camp CLOSED.  I didn’t even know that was possible.  I was so upset I tied my leash to one of the supporting beams and vowed to stand my ground even if all the walls came down.  I keep emergency snacks in my camp knapsack so I would have been set for a day or so.  I figured this would be a great way to demonstrate my commitment to camp and both my mental and physical toughness.  My plan would have totally worked if tall mommy hadn’t made me go home.  I missed my big moment, and to rub salt in my very open wound, I missed the LAST costume contest at camp today. Unbelievable.

Hope you all had good halloweens.  And someone adopt Pumpkin so tall mommy will stop trying to bring her home.

Stay cool my babies.

xx Bug

Dia de Los PERROS!

Dudes,

Halloween is almost upon us.  This is so exciting. Tank and I have a HUGE party to go to on Sunday with the gang from camp at the ‘off leash’ park at Darden Towe.  There are actual prizes and treats for the winners so you better believe we are taking this seriously.  Tank likes to win.

We had a hasty dress rehearsal in the kitchen today with the moms to make our final costume decisions.

its a SHARK TANK!!!!

I think Tank has nailed it with his final decision but I’m still waffling a bit.  I think it’s going to be a game time decision for me.

Rarrrr! I’m an alligator!

I’m a lady BUG. get it?

check it. I’m a BUG BOMB!

I’m still torn about which costume to choose or if I should go the homemade route but I’ve got 48 hours to make a final decision so I’m not sweating it. yet.

Charlottesville Pups come out to join me and my Pampered Pet’s daycamp friends for some Sunday play and some friendly costume competition.  We’re supporting animal connection, so it’s all in good fun.

Hit me up on Facebook or twitter (@bugsays) and let me know which costume you think I should choose.  I’m pretty sure my boyfriend Toby will be there so it is critical that my costume is a 10.

Stay cool my babies,

xx Bug

 

Keep your Snout to Yourself.

Dudes.

I am ruined. I don’t know how this happened- it has been weeks since I’ve let anyone even come close to sniffing my bugina at camp, but the extra effort apparently went to waste. I have the Herp.  It’s easy to fall into the wrong crowds when you’re camp novice but I’ve been campaigning hard lately and my reputation is everything.  This has been so devastating, I haven’t gone out all weekend.

don’t look at me.

We’ve been in the Carolinas again for the body building show that blonde mommy promotes, staying at Truman and Jola’s.   In an unrelated turn Uncle Billy got roofied on Friday night (or so he claims…), which worked out pretty well for me since I was in too dark of a place to socialize at the show, so we stayed in and played angry birds on his new iPhone.

I cancelled camp this morning and am just focusing on taking my meds and getting well right now.  I am still feeling low, but Tank reminded me that it is our flaws that give us character, so I’m trying to embrace that thought and soldier on.  In addition to the obvious PSA theme in here, I’d like to remind all other campers out there to wash their paws and limit their hello sniffs. Just remember the wise wise words that a medical professional once told me: if it’s wet and it’s not yours, DON’T touch it. So true, so true.

Stay safe and stay clean my babies,

xx Bug

Tank has the Disco Sweats

Dudes, I have to tell you – I’m worried about Tank.

For the last few months Tank has been a changed man.  He eats his food (almost) faster than me, he has been skipping his afternoon naps to run with mom in the park, and even more alarmingly, he has taken to snuggling with almost complete strangers and not even threatening to cut them.  He’s lost his edge guys and I didn’t see it coming.

I’ve been putting in so many hours at camp lately that I’ve lost touch with Tank and just knew he was hiding something from me.  I wanted to believe that he was just secretly dating the Boston down the street or maybe had gotten into Buddhism, but that is not the case.

Yesterday when I was at camp Tank was chewing in my room (he likes to go in there for quiet time) and left some of his stuff under my bed.  That’s where I found this:

seriously Tank? SERIOUSLY?

Guys, its worse than I could have ever imagined.  Tank has been Disco Sweat-ing with Richard Simmons.  I mean, I just still can’t even believe it.  I know he’s been dressing a little more alternatively, even for Tank, but I thought it was just a phase.

I can’t even talk about it.  I’m going to have to have an intervention this weekend, this can’t possibly continue.

Wish me luck and stay cool my babies,

xx Bug

Fall updates.

Dudes, how’s it hangin’?

It’s becoming a pretty crisp fall here in cville.  My first sign was that it feels a bit cooler in the mornings, my second was when the pool closed at camp.  The moms even took Herman to his winter home so Tank has moved his office to the couch.  He loves that thing.  I’m pretty sure he’s keeping his secret journal somewhere in the cracks but I haven’t had enough time alone in there to get my paws on it.

As the fall has been rolling in the mom’s have been super busy with their businesses and new projects, so I’ve been able to talk them into taking me to camp a couple more times a week.  It’s awesome.  I think the increased frequency has helped expedite my relationship development with some of the regulars.

Today my buddy Lexi and I got a little publicity on the camp Facebook page – a picture snapped right after he finished telling me a joke.  That guy is always cracking me up.

So, two cats walked into a bar…

 Today when I was leaving camp I saw this dude Howie with his parents.  It’s so weird to see my camp friends outside of play group, but I think that might be a good angle to take if I’m going to secure solid votes for class president.  I sent tall mommy an email about FINALLY scheduling a play date with my friend Fiona.  I’ve been on her to schedule it for DAYS, and honestly, it’s like she doesn’t even read my emails.  She’s had a stomach virus for a few days, but I can’t let a little illness hold back my campaign.

I’m staying home with Tank tomorrow so I’ll be sure to post more about those ‘adventures.’  Tank has been a changed man these last few months so his plans are far less dangerous and far more BORING, but that’s a story for another time.

Stay cool my babies,

xx Bug

How to Kill a Squirrel(bird)

Dudes.  Tank and I went hunting this weekend.

We took a staycation at my buddy Truman’s house.  It was awesome.  He was out-of-town with the family, so I ran Bug Patrol in the back yard to keep our perimeters secure.   Tank was no help – he just camped out in the pool and barked at the crumb-snatchers that kept coming over to the fence on the north side.

This weekend I met my match with the most dangerous and threatening creatures on the planet.  Squirrels. It’s like they knew Truman was out of town, and you know, when the cat’s away, the mice will play, so I had to bring my A-game.

My half-brother Tate told me about how they terrorize his yard, so I was prepared.  As soon as I realized the magnitude of what I was dealing with I consulted the most talented and knowledgable sniper I know – Tank.

With passion in his eye and a snaggle in his tooth, Tank taught me how to hunt squirrel.  Tank says that like anything else, when hunting at squirrel you have to view them as the enemy.  Locate, identify, and GET HIS GUTS!  Tank is the best man gutter you could ever meet and taught me everything I know.

For all of you boys and girls out there that are also terrorized by foreign enemy creatures, Tank and I have put together a step by step guide starring me, Bug, and Raffie, the giraffe.

Step 1: Locate, identify & pin the enemy down

Step 2: Extract the guts.

note: always be thorough. get ALL the guts!

It was a long weekend working the yard, but it was worth it.  The house is safe, and the yard remains squirrel free. I’m not gonna lie, it was a thankless job and I am just spent.  After we were done the photo shoot Tank, Raffie, and I all hit our snooze buttons until dinner.

I think maybe Raffie needs a doctor….

It was a great weekend, but tomorrow is Monday and it’s time to hop back on the grind.

Stay cool my babies,

xxBug

Doggles, Aunt Mitch + the Hotness.

Dudes.  I mean seriously.  Eat your heart out Suri, this outfit is the new hotness.

I need to meet this dude. ASAP.

This is the greatest outfit I’ve seen since Tank’s rambo sweatband.  And just in time for NYC Fashion week.  I bet those little 5th avenue mini’s and tea cups couldn’t pull off a unit like this one.  And did you see the DOGGLES??  Um, yes please.  I’ve been asking for doggles for MONTHS.  They are perfection.

I even found a sweet pair with sculls and crossbones on them on amazon but tall mommy said that I have to wait until my next allowance because this month’s allowance is going to support my Aunt Mitch in running her marathon (she’s running the NYC ING Marathon for Freds Team to raise $ for cancer research so check her out & give her monies).

I can’t even talk about this any more.  I immediately need to find one of these in my size and push for an advance on my allowance.  I’d borrow from tank but he lost it all on the races this weekend. I think he has a problem.

I’ll report back with my findings.

Stay cool my babies,

xx Bug

 

A week late and 4 legs short.

Dudes.

The week has gotten away from me.  Last weekend was crazy.  Social overload lasted until late this week, but it was frickin worth it.

Friday I went to camp and when I got home the moms had friends over to grill and give me attention.  It’s like they knew they were my two favorite things.  No one would give me any table scraps, and I’m certain Tank told them not to.  He’s super strict with this nutrition plan he’s got me on and it’s horribly dry – like twigs and berries, hold the berries.

Saturday morning was the Charlottesville Women’s 4 miler with the lululemon gang & UVa Men’s Cross Country team.

Check this dude out.  I totally dig his outfit.

I still haven’t gotten my game day outfit, and you better believe I’ve made  it known how dissatisfied I am in the mom’s lack of pageantry.   I swear, if I don’t have it by tomorrow I’m totally going to camp naked.  I’m not kidding, I will totally do it.

The craziness didn’t stop there.  Football season is ON. We live in walking distance to the stadium which is great because Tank always puts up a fight when I try to take his keys away after a brewski or twoski.

Game days are my new jam.

After the game & tailgating Tank and I were beat so we took to the couch for the rest of the night.  My Uncle Hargraves came over right before bed to talk campaign strategy.  I was captivated by his wealth of knowledge.

Saturday was game day for the HOOS, but Sunday was game day for Tank and I.  We hit the pavement early to get some miles under our collars, and sweat out some of our weekend treats.

By the end of Sunday any hopes of being on my A-game were shot and I barely made it through another night of guests at the house.  Tank was super social the whole time and sat on everyone’s laps – he has turned into quite the ladies man, but that’s a conversation for another time.  SMH.

I’ve tripled up on camp this week while the house was being painted so I’m pretty wiped out, but I’m going to juice up tonight after dinner and aim for a solid night of sleep.

Stay cool my babies,

xx Bug